Rules are a lot like fruit juicers. Everybody thinks they need a new one, but nobody ever really uses theirs. I realize that as soon as a statement like this gets made, somebody immediately stands up and says "But I use mine every day!" and somebody else should punch that guy. I've never met anyone who actually owned a fruit juicer that wasn't stored on a high shelf under several layers of dust.
Whatever. My point is that rules seem like great and useful things until it comes around to actually adopting them and sticking with them. Yes, we all know one or two freaks who live by some rigid code that dictates everything from which direction their bed has to face before they can relax enough to sleep in it to how many brush strokes they use to comb their back hair. Those people are clinically insane and not to be trusted, as some of them may be serial killers.
Just like with fruit juicers (with exception of the crazies) I've never met anybody who really followed all the rules they'd made for themselves. I was raised with a fairly high degree of cynicism in relation to people who start off sentences with phrases like "This year, I'm going to try..." or "You know, I think I ought to..." and, looking back, I can understand why. It seems like there's always some new genius idea or fail-safe plan lurking around every corner, waiting for some dope to come along who's trying to change their lives, only for it to rob them blind of their time, money, and energy. I can't tell you how many self-help/educational books I've purchased with the intent of learning a new skill or trying a different approach to relationships or finances, only to have it stare at me from my bookshelf like a neglected girlfriend I made a bunch of promises to, resenting me for my lack of dedication.
I read someone else's 'blog post today that brought this all to the forefront for me. So far, I count 11 of 14 rules that I'm actively breaking, even as I write this, and I didn't even bother to look at parts one or two of the three-part series to see what else I'm not doing right. Even though I don't think it was the author's intention to do so, I hate being condescended to, and it's hard not to feel like that's exactly what's happening when you're told that you've screwed something up completely from even before you started.
Okay, I lied. I did read the other two. I suck at this.
I guess the thing that gets to me about it is that everything she says makes complete sense and I don't know why I didn't realize it before. Worse still is the fact that, realizing the truth of it, I STILL BREAK ALL THE RULES!!! And it's not like this is a fluke occurrence in my life. Everywhere you look, I'm going back on all the things I said I was going to do or that I believed were important to me. Heck, it's been almost three weeks and I still haven't gotten around to that dopey "Why Jurassic Park Is Like Christianity" post I said I was going to write.
The aha moment for me in all of this is why it's so easy to want to fall back on a checklist, primarily because I don't want to have to think about what I'm doing. It's hard to adopt principles. It's easy to make rules. If I can measure my own efforts against somebody else's template for success, I can pat myself on the back and feel better knowing that I'm doing the right things. The difficulty is coming to grips with the fact that I'm not a very disciplined person; that I don't know everything I need to know yet; that my wants are all screwed up and I'm probably gonna suck at this for a while before things get any better.
But it doesn't do any good to stop pushing myself. I made up my budget for the month before I went to bed last night. I'm going to make breakfast and clean the kitchen and go to the bank today. I'm not going to crumble just because I can't do everything right all the time. I can still make a difference in how things turn out and it's time to go get started on it.
Later all.
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