First, I feel the need to own up to the fact that all I've been doing lately is mentioning stuff I'm going to 'blog about later instead of actually 'blogging. I feel the need to 'fess up because part of me feels like I'm not taking things seriously or that I'm not really honoring any sort of commitment to discipline with my writing. I worry that people are gonna think I'm some kind of pathetic masochist who goes out looking for drama so that he can complain about it later, or like I create trouble for myself because I'm either afraid to be happy or just don't know how. However, there's another part of me that is completely astounded that I'm holding together under all the pressure of late, and that part of me thinks the guilty-feeling/worried part of me is a total sissy and needs to chill the eff out. I'd give names to those different parts to characterize them better, but I don't really have time to think about that right now and, besides, I feel crazy enough as is without naming the different voices in my head.
I heard once that moving and changing jobs are two of the most stressful circumstances in an average American's life, on par with experiencing loss through death or divorce. I always thought it was B.S. but here I am... looking for a job and a new apartment. Add to all of this the situation with my grandfather and the recent development from last night (which I still don't feel like talking about, by the way), and I feel like the only thing that could add any more anxiety to my plate is if I got held hostage or drafted into the military.
I should probably be more careful with what I say. I don't wanna wish things worse than they already are. I could wake up tomorrow with scabies or a vestigial tail. So I guess there's that to be thankful for.
Bad as it seems, though, I really am keeping it together pretty well. I'm sticking to my schedule, going to work on time, I met with Bobby C. today and got some much-needed counsel... I'm doing well, all things considered. Tonight's excuse for not really having time to 'blog is going to the Marx's house to make s'mores with their kids. I realize it's not the coolest thing in the world to go hang out with married people and their children on a Friday night, but I could really use the normalcy associated with being around a somewhat-functional family right now. It's at least better than hanging out in the troll cave all by my lonesome and playing World of Warcraft all night.
I really am going to try and set aside an hour or so to 'blog tomorrow before work. I'm honestly not going to feel that bad if I don't, but I think it's at least a good goal to shoot for. Who knows, maybe I'll feel like talking about last night by then! ...or maybe I'll just do the Jurassic Park bit I've been teasing for most of the week. I'm not a betting man, but if I were, I'd pony up on the dinosaurs.
Love you guys. See you tomorrow.
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