Step One: Figure Out What Step One Is

One of the reasons I'm such a bad adult, and there are many, is that I don't do housework very well.  I mean, I can mop and sweep and do dishes and stuff, it just feels like there's never enough time to take care of everything all at once and, after I've checked everything off the list, something else is dirty and needs to be cleaned. again  It's like trying to mow a thousand acres with a pair of scissors.

Add to this that I'm the type of person who thinks he deserves a parade and a sandwich just for getting off work for the day.  When I actually do finish all my laundry, I want to celebrate like it's a bank holiday or something.  I don't wanna have to move on to "Item #2" on the list.

But it doesn't really work like that.  I don't ever really "finish" my laundry, I just get a couple loads done here and there.  See, whenever I do laundry, I feel like I need to clean my bathroom, and in order to do that, I need to take the trash out and, since I'm already doing that, I might as well clean my desk off and, if I"m cleaning my desk, I should probably do the dishes and, before I can do the dishes, I should really take a shower, but if I'm gonna take a shower, I should wait until the stuff in the laundry finishes so that I have clean clothes to put on when I get out (and I can wash the dirty ones), so I'll just grab a snack and set up camp here in front of the computer while I wait for my laundry to finish.

That was yesterday.  My clothes are still in the washer.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, because I've been thinking about how to get out of this funk I've been in.  Most of my thinking has drifted back to other times in my life that have been like this: there were a number of break-ups that left me pretty wounded and angry for a long time; some incidents with friends that were kind of a kick in the head; my parents separating was a pretty big one and then when the divorce was finalized, it kinda sucked the wind out of my sails for a few weeks; when my first grandmother died, and then when my great-grandmother died...  In fact, I don't know that I've ever really had a point in my adult life where there wasn't some recent, depressing and/or traumatic event to look back on and be affected by.

I don't think this is a unique experience or that I'm somehow unable to handle it, it's just not something I normally think about, either.  Truth be told, it's not really anything want to think about.  I want things to just happen on their own and not have to make time for them.  I don't want to keep looking back at the clock and deciding whether or not I have enough time to do everything I need to do today.  I hate thinking about what's coming up and what I'm going to have to cut out to make room for other things that I need to do first.  I wish there were an instruction manual for it.

...so I think I'm going to write one.  I heard Anne Lamott say that you should write the kind of thing that you'd like to happen upon in a bookstore because then the thing you're looking for would exist, (approx. 5:30) and I think that's great advice, so I think that's what my 'blog is going to be for a while: just me going through and figuring out how I got from A to B and how to get to whatever's next.  In a certain sense, I've kinda been hoping that's what it would do all along, but I don't think I've really put together the idea as concretely before now.

Still blocking comments.  Still don't really need them.  Still glad you're here, though.  Still gonna keep writing.

See you guys tomorrow.