My Life in Lists

As I type this sentence, I have not slept since sometime earlier Sunday afternoon.  I bought some fat free french vanilla Coffee Mate creamer at the grocery store on my way home from Cliff Fritschle's house and decided to give it a try.  At 10 o'clock at night.  On a full pot of coffee.  Brewed at double strength.

I'm a genius.

The stupidest thing about all of this is that I ended up buying the creamer, which I totally didn't need, and forgot the orange juice that I originally went to H-E-B for in the first place.  In fact, I forgot to buy a couple of things (red plum jelly, for instance) because I went in without a list.  I've mentioned my struggle with grocery stores in a previous post and, ultimately, it boils down to this: I have to have a grocery list.  I need a tangible reminder to keep me focused on what it is I'm after, otherwise I get a bunch of crap I don't need and forget a bunch of crap I do.

I think maybe this isn't just a grocery store thing, though.  I think maybe it's a life thing.  I just don't stay on task very well.  I fall for every cheap advertising hustle in the book and get distracted by whatever's at hand.  I'm like a raccoon: dangle something shiny in front of me and I'll completely forget what I was doing.  I don't remember why I came here or what I'm after, I just know that I'm hungry and I want cookies.  And by the time I realize my mistake, I'm already home and have a tummy ache from my 100% simple-sugar diet and lack of general nutrition.

How many times have I gone in to the kitchen to do the dishes, only to end up making lunch and putting the dishes off 'til later instead?  How many times have I tried to clean my room  but then sat down to read part of a book that I forgot I had because it was buried under a stack of laundry?  How many hours have I wasted online because "I just need to check my e-mail right quick?"

I know from experience that I have to set goals in order to change.  I can't just bumble my way through life and expect to come out on top.  But even more than goal-setting, I also have to make a plan that helps me figure out how to go about working toward them because I know I'll just end up getting side-tracked by something stupid and not snap out of it until a week later when I look back at all the time I've wasted and kick myself for being so easily derailed.

So that's my goal for this week: set some goals.  It's gonna suck, 'cause then I'm actually gonna have to do something with them, but it's better than sitting around all jacked up on caffeine until 6 o'clock in the morning...

Ugh... I'm gonna see if I can't go throw up or hit myself in the head until I pass out or something... 

Laters, all.