Hindsight

For the few die-hards out there who have read every post since the beginning, you know that a good portion of my 'blog has been mostly consumed by a very processing-out-loud brand of content.  I've decided to stop fuss-budgeting about whether or not this is a good thing and just accept it for what it is: an honest attempt to pour myself and my talents into something meaningful to share with others.  After getting an e-mail from Jon Acuff last week, though, I've been thinking a lot about why I have a 'blog at all and how to do it better.  I started re-reading some of my old stuff and decided to compile a quick list of things I feel like I've learned about myself along the way.

1. Talk It Out

When I first started my 'blog, a lot of the content was narcissistic and whiney.  (Truth be told, it probably still is.)  I tended to use it more like a public journal rather than trying to relate to other people at all.  Without really intending to, I feel like I've shifted away from that a bit, and I think it's largely due to my involvement in Celebrate Recovery.  Just having people in my life that I can open up to and be honest with has enabled me to off-load a lot of the burdens that I used to air out here.  It's not to say that I've stopped 'blogging about things that affect me altogether or that I think I should just keep all of my business to myself, but once I started intentionally building relationships with other people in my life and opening up to them, I stopped looking to the act of 'blogging in itself to fix or change things.

2. Keep It Moving

There are a number of posts in my 'blog that are (because of all the whiney narcissism) boring.  When I read back over them and identify with where I was when I wrote them and what I was going through, I see myself like someone sitting on the curb, complaining about being behind and how hard running is rather than discussing what kind of diet is best before a marathon and how to deal with leg soreness.  I think I have a few good ideas here and there or some funny thoughts or phrases, but even those tend to get lost in the deluge of self-pity.  It seems like the times when I 'blog best are when I've been busy taking steps toward making progress in my life and the times when I 'blog worst are when I'm just throwing up my hands and being mad that things aren't already different on their own.

3. Stay On the Bike, Fatty!

I feel like this needs no explanation.

4. Remain Calm and Keep Your Hands Where I Can See Them

I don't know how it is for normal people, but sometimes I feel like "Trouble" is the name of a bird dog and I'm wearing snazzy, new pheasant-pants.  Honestly, I don't even know why I bother worrying about what life is like for other people because it wouldn't make any tangible difference to mine even if I knew.  My point, though, is that I feel like there's always an reason for me to feel frustrated or discouraged, which means there's always a temptation for me to use how I feel as an excuse to do something stupid, and I can see how that attitude comes across in some of my posts.  I think most of the bad decisions I've made over the last year could have been avoided if I'd just kept my wits about me, stepped back from the situation a little, and asked myself if I was really thinking things through.

5. Plan Your Work and Work Your Plan

Followthrough is tough for me and I can count on one hand the number of things I said I was going to do in my 'blog that I actually ended up doing.  I tend to get really amped up about the "Next Big Thing" and bring a lot of energy and excitement to the table, but I also tend to lose steam pretty quickly when I meet with resistence.  Part of me feels like I need to be rewarded for my enthusiasm by having everything work out like it's supposed to and I get really frustrated and disappointed when it doesn't.  But I've also noticed that my enthusiasm tends to hold up a lot better whenever I have structure and support in my life and I don't feel like I have to maintain this super-human energy level all the time for things to be successful.  When I get enough sleep at night and have a budget worked out and spend time with people who can support and encourage my ideas, I tend to do better than when I try to take on the world all by myself.

I guess the lesson is that it's good to recognize where you've been so that you can figure out where you're going.  Part of "self-actualization" is not just making the present seem meaningful, but redeeming your past, too, so that it contributes to where you are. 

I dunno.  Does that seem crazy?  Am I the only one who thinks like this?